


Reflected Light

by shutupeccles



Category: NaPolA | Before the Fall (2004)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 12:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupeccles/pseuds/shutupeccles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friedrich sees Albrecht everywhere. The warmth of what should have been saves him from despair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflected Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BabyDracky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyDracky/gifts).



> Thank you Baby for introducing me to this incredible film. Hope this isn't too sad.

Friedrich hammers on the ice with his fists calling his lover's name. _I too am afraid but now I fear life without never knowing your kiss. Are your lips as warm and tender as your heart? I am sure they are. Return to me, give them to me. In turn I will give you everything I am - the strength of my arms, my heart, my soul._ Albrecht shakes his head - no. "Albrecht!" _You are all of these things to me. Not even for me will you live? I know you love me._ Albrecht continues to shake his head as he pushes away from the ice, down and away. His eyes say it is not Friedrich he leaves. Neither can look away until he is too far - or too lifeless - to see. "No!"

Friedrich's heart sinks to the bottom of the lake.

* * *

Friedrich sees Albrecht everywhere.

In the school mirrors, he is there. Memories of silent reprimands and verbal stoushes fill the empty space where Albrecht Stein would stand. ...Should stand. Tears travel down the image of Friedrich's face but he doesn't see them, not properly. They are full of Albrecht not merely for him.

Every puddle, crystalline frost, bead of dew, downpour of rain, blizzard of snow, cold and unyielding shiny surface holds him while Friedrich cannot. Once only on the floor by the window in the showers did they admit how deep their affection ran. Not with words, forbidden touching or a kiss but with tears. Always tears - Albrecht deserves so much more than that for he was the solitary beating heart refusing to be muffled and turned to ice among a school of imminent snowmen. It makes the chosen manner of his death impossible to bear. How painful is life in comparison?

He is in the perfectly folded blanket at the end of Friedrich's bed. _See? I make it so for you. You taught me well._

Nothing Friedrich learned at NaPolA will serve him as well as the lessons Albrecht taught. As long as Friedrich retains his soul then Albrecht will be remembered. The SS will not make him a snowman.

* * *

As before, Friedrich is last to use the bath. The water is dark. He cannot breathe. Surely the one he loves will reach up through the murk and berate him for living.

No. Albrecht forbade him to follow.

After more than a week he gets in the bath and tries to drown. He panics and flails about trying to breathe, tipping the tub.

Friedrich kneels on the floor, weeping and screaming Albrecht's name until his father physically hauls him from the room. His mother slaps him then covers her face with both hands. She flees the room sobbing as Friedrich stares at her, astonished.

"I told you. Those people have nothing in common with us. Look what has become of you."

Friedrich believes his father is ashamed and avoids his eyes.

"Friedrich," his father says to express compassion and sorrow. There is no shame.

In a quiet yet fervent murmur Friedrich speaks of the remarkable soul that touched his for too brief a time.

* * *

Memories of ice and horrible loss are supplanted by dreams of smiles, serious discussions, helping and supporting each other. "I would have kissed you had your father not made us fight," he tells his spirit love.

"I know. That is why I obeyed his command."

"You did not want me to kiss you?" Friedrich rests on his elbow to ask. His hand moves over Albrecht's uniform. He feels a heart beating through the fabric and breath on his face as Albrecht stretches his neck until their lips touch. They are warm. Friedrich feels tears in his eyes as he eagerly accepts Albrecht's love. He feels a hand grasp the back of his neck and his hair as Albrecht accepts Friedrich's love in return. Each press of lips and movement of jaw bathes them in light warm as summer sun. They kiss until that light becomes blinding.

Albrecht looks down upon Friedrich now. They embrace more happily than they did on the shower floor. "This is why I had to die. My father told me I would not survive further training. The essay was merely an excuse. I love you. He knew. They all knew. If they knew about you..." His tears fall into Friedrich's eyes as they kiss for the last time and remain when Friedrich wakes.

* * *

Friedrich lives to an age that frightens him because he remembers Albrecht more clearly than two minutes ago. There has never been another. There never will be. Friedrich sees Albrecht everywhere. In a neatly made bed, a well-written word, every mirror - he is there. Hears him in any soft voice of reason, sternly moral admonition, whisper of fear. 

He still cannot face the bathtub. He repeatedly dampens a cloth in the bath water and uses that to clean himself.

He grows tired during the day. Albrecht stands by his chair, holding his hand as they are bathed in light dreamed of before. "You kept me alive, my love. Let me carry you home." Albrecht's whisper is followed by a kiss then Friedrich no longer feels the cold.


End file.
